supporting actors

Other films featuring former vice presidents:

Cruel Suspicion (1995) - Dan Quayle portrays a rogue cop seeking revenge against an evil District Attorney (Joe Montegna) in this direct-to-cable thriller.

The Delicacy of the Longshoreman (1987) - Walter Mondale has a cameo as beaureaucratic harbormaster in this slice-of-life drama about Long Island fishermen written and directed by John Sayles' longtime key grip, Nestor Shawns.

Hube Cube (1973) - A collection of three half-hour segments recorded for a local television station. Hubert Humphrey narrates some of his favorite children's stories: "The Walker and the Runner," "Mary and Her Magic Hat," and "Touch the Moon, Mr. Salamander." Each story is accompanied by experimental animated sequences.

Sheep Delight 78 (1978) - Nelson A. Rockefeller plays himself in this avant garde movie from Andy Warhol collaborator Paul Morrissey that was filmed in Central Park.

Looking for Spiro (1998) - This lighthearted documentary was a hit on the festival circuit: two teenage girls with a video camera try to record an interview with disgraced former vice president Spiro Agnew for their high school AP history class. Unbeknownst to the girls, Agnew cannot be interviewed for the film because he died two years earlier, but many pictures and news clips of him are featured in the finished documentary.

Balls N Babes 7 (2003) - For no apparent reason, one of two naked men having sex with a woman on a pool table in this compilation is referred to as Alben W. Barkley multiple times ("Yes, stick it in me, Alben W. Barkley, I want you in me!" and "F*** me, Alben W. Barkley. I love it when you f*** me so hard, Alben W. Barkley!") It is not clear if the man is meant to represent the 35th vice president or a person who was named for the 35th vice president. None of the other characters in the scene are referred to by name.

brit departure

To: All Wire Services Subscribers

Due to cutbacks, our staff has recently been downsized, reducing the number of stories we make available. Please note that the following article may be used in your newspaper to cover Britney Spears leaving the Promises Treatment Center or the British troops withdrawing from Iraq. Required editorial choices are marked by parentheses.

(BAGHDAD/HOLLYWOOD) -- An already unstable situation will become more fraught with peril as sources suggest Brit(ish/ney) will be returning home sooner than expected.

Although there is no established timetable for withdrawal from (Iraq/rehabilitation), most experts think the situation is not yet improved from the chaotic mess it has recently become.

Things have deteriorated to the point where the much maligned (Saddam Hussein/Kevin Federline) has lately been reconsidered by critics, and is now judged to have been a stabilizing influence on (Iraq/Spears). This marks a great shift from the low public opinion of him during the nadir of his popularity around the time of his (dictatorship/rap album).

The ongoing conflict continues to raise questions about who will eventually get custody of (Kurdish oil reserves/Sean and Jayden).

Recently, (U.S./Us) sources have pointed to the heavy influence of (Iran/Isaac Cohen) in what have become increasingly erratic behavior and violent situations.

This past weekend, a tragic (car bomb blast that killed 62/haircut) caught headlines and suggested a complete breakdown was imminent, despite claims to the contrary by (Dick Cheney/Spears' publicist) who seems increasingly out-of-touch with his (country/client).

The next few months are sure to be a depressing time for (Iraq/Spears). Once known as (the cradle of civilization/a member of the Mickey Mouse Club), she has lately been associated with despair and scandal, as symbolized to the whole world by the distribution of pictures of her tortured and shaved (prisoners/vagina) being displayed in the confines of (Abu Ghraib/her limousine).

radio song

Greetings Sirius or XM subscriber,

As you may have heard, our satellite radio companies are merging. For the most part, this will mean more programming options for you, our valued customer.

In some cases, duplicate stations will be merged to avoid overlapping content. Please use the following chart below to see if any changes affect you.

If you enjoyed Duane's Attic: Bluegrass Techno Remixes (XM) or Cookin' With Clive: Country/Club Mash Ups (Sirius), please check out Clive and Duane's Digital Moonshine Distillery: Trance Updates To Downhome Classics on the new XM/Sirius 541.

If you enjoyed Other Kinds of Blue: Great Alternate Takes from Jazz History (XM) or The Nearness of Two: Second Takes by Jazz Greats (Sirius), please check out My Second Favorite Things: Unreleased Recordings from Great Jazz Sessions on the new XM/Sirius 712.

If you enjoyed 2:54: The Station Where All Songs are Two Minutes and Fifty-Four Seconds (XM) or 6:24: The Place for Great Music Lasting Six Minutes and Twenty-Four Seconds (Sirius), please check out 2:5 or 6:2 4: Where All Songs Are Great and Either 2:54 or 6:24 in length on the new XM/Sirius 3331.*

If you enjoyed You Might Sing: Karaoke Versions of Songs by The Cars (XM) or Just What You Needed: Lyrics Free Hits by The Cars (Sirius), please check out Shake It Up: Instrumental Tracks by The Cars on the new XM/Sirius 5174.

If you enjoyed I Too Dislike It: Literary Critics Complain About Marianne Moore (XM) or Real Toads: Discussions of Marianne Moore Sucking (Sirius), please check out The Crap-Scented Syllable: Marianne Moore or Less? Modern Thoughts on Poet Marianne Moore on the new XM/Sirius 22643.

If you enjoyed All Rock (XM) or Rock! (Sirius), please check out Yeah, Rock, I Love Rock Music, Awesome Dude This Station Rocks! on the new XM/Sirius 31695.

* Please note, this is not the same as 25 or 6 to 4: The Best Music by Chicago (Sirius), which can now be found at The Inspiration: Great Songs by Chicago and Peter Cetera on the new XM/Sirius 2131.

fan ficciones

Dear Jorge,

Thank you for your submission to "Panther Pride," the official fan fiction journal for NBC's drama "Friday Night Lights."

Although your story showed a lot of promise, we were unable to find space for it in our current issue. As you may know, "Panther Pride" was originally a fan fiction journal for creative endeavors related to the film version of the book Friday Night Lights. When the television series began airing in the fall of 2006, we split the journal into two different sections, one featuring stories set in the world of the film, and one featuring stories set in the universe of the television series.

Your submission, "Offsides," presented an interesting merger of the two fictional settings through the dimensional rift created by the magic football. And while we were taken with the challenging notion of Boobie Miles racing Smash Williams, and especially with Tami Taylor meeting doppelganger Sharon Gaines at a mirror store, we couldn't help but feel that your story was essentially a science-fiction endeavor more than it was a fictional exploration of the world of Panther football.

Please do not be discouraged, and feel free to submit more stories in the future. In addition, you might try submitting stories to "Powers That Be," the fan fiction journal of the television series "Heroes," which leans more towards the supernatural and fantastical.

Yours,

"Coach" Ron Edison

---

Dear Jorge,

We receive many submissions here at "Powers That Be." Unfortunately this means that we must turn down some stories, and your December submission, "Eye of the Cheerleader," falls into this category.

The central conceit of your story -- that of a dimensional rift allowing visitors from another universe to create havoc in the "Heroes" world -- was interesting, but the bulk of the story followed characters who were not familiar to us here at the magazine. After a brief appearance by cheerleader Claire Bennet, we spent the rest of the story with the characters from Dillon, Texas in the other dimension.

One of our editors here did some internet research and discovered that those characters are from the series "Friday Night Lights."

Perhaps you should submit your next story to "Landry Land," the official electronic journal of cross-pollinated fan fiction for television series set in Texas.

Best wishes,

Sam Telson, the "Super" Editor

---

Howdy Jorge,

Greetings from the Lone Star State!

As an electronic journal, we have no space limitations, but our founding principles and editorial mission sometimes force us to reject well-written stories such as your recent submission, "High Plains Shifter."

Our grant from the Texas State Bureau of Tourism stipulates that we must "strive to demonstrate the breadth and width of Texas life through publication of stories showing the intersection of different worlds created by popular television series set in Texas."

In the past, some of our most successful works have included "Death and Gas," a story combining characters from "Dallas" and "King of the Hill," and, more recently, "Forbidden Crossings," which involved characters from FOX's "Prison Break" and MTV's "The Real World: Austin."

Your story, while entertaining, failed to meet our standards, as it featured only one television series ("Friday Night Lights"). The second universe from which it borrowed, the setting for the film version of Friday Night Lights, did not meet the criteria of being from a television series nor of highlighting another side of Texas living (both the TV series and movie examine smalltown football culture).

We would welcome any submissions from you in the future that connect two different television series from Texas.

In the meantime, you might try writing something for 2430framespersecond.blogspot.com, the official blog for fan fiction that combines television and movie versions of the same universe.

Remember the Alamo,

Walt McMurtry, EIC, Landry Land Magazine

---

To JorgeLB27@hotmail.com,

Your recent post TEXAS TWISTER is awaiting approval by the moderator of 2430FRAMES.

For the following reason(s):

- NOT ENOUGH CHARACTERS HAVING SEX WITH SELVES!

You may resubmit your story using your assigned login, or submit new stories in the future.

The moderator has the following suggestion(s):

- CHARACTERS SHOULD HAVE GRAPHIC SEX WITH OTHER VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES.
- MAYBE THIS COULD REPLACE THE FOOTBALL GAME AT THE END?
- CONSIDER 'BERG.BURG' THE CHRONICLE OF FAN FICTION FOR THE WORKS OF PETER BERG

Thank you.

---
Dear Jorge!

Congratulations!

Your story, "S*M*A*S*H" will be featured in the upcoming "Chicago Help" issue of berg.burg e-zine, the pre-eminent Peter Berg fan fiction journal. This special issue features medically-themed romantic crossover works, such as the "Chicago Hope" / The Great White Hype story "Ring of Lust" and the "Wonderland" / A Midnight Clear tale "Red Cross, Crazy Cross."

Along with publication in berg.burg, you will recieve an autographed picture of Peter Berg. The March issue will be emailed to you at: JorgeLB27@hotmail.com

Thanks for your submission!

the price of love

Subliminal Messages of Common Valentine's Day Gifts

A Dozen Roses: Hey Ugly, I figured your co-workers would rather look at this vase full of flowers than your ugly face on this special day. When you get home, we need to talk.

Box of Chocolates: Hey Fatty, I am always disgusted by your morbid obesity, but since it is Valentine's Day, I thought I would indulge you and send you some chocolates to stuff into your fat fat face.

Diamond Pendant: Hey Bossy, I saw this diamond and thought of you, because our relationship makes me feel as imprisoned as a slave-labor diamond miner in a conflict region of Africa.

Scented Candle: Hey Boring, I don't think you have much of a personality. Also, you kind of smell bad. Happy Valentine's Day!

Fancy Dinner: Hey Vapid, You're not very interesting to talk to, or even spend time with, but at least you're attractive enough to make other men jealous. Enjoy this dinner and try not to say too many stupid things loudly, or else people will realize you're not much of a catch.

Singing Telegram: Hey, we shouldn't see each other any more.

cold yeller

AskWeather.com

Q: I'm freezing my balls off!!!!

A: It certainly is quite cold outside. Remember to dress in layers to keep warm. If you are experiencing the medical problem described above, please consult a doctor.

WebMD

Search: freezing balls off

Did you mean: frequent balls off ?

celebgossip.com

2:41 PM coldguy Says:
I'm freezing my balls off!!!!

2:42 PM delmos Says:
hi 2:41 coldguy! good one it is is cold today 2:36 tarafan ...britney does have kids at home but tara is like 30....i'll call it a tie. :)

2:42 PM britfan Says:
BRIT HATERS GO AWAY THIS IS A MESSAGE BOARD FOR BRIT FANS ONLY!!!! BRITNEY HAS BEEN THE BEST SINCE MMC AND IS STILL KICKING IT NOW. IF YOU DON'T LIKE HER, GO SOMEWEAR ELSE!!!!! SHE HAS BEEN SINGING AND DANCING WHAT HAVE YOU EVER DONE?!? NOTHING I BET. BRITNEY IS THE BEST AND YOUR JUST JEALOUS!!!! ALSO, COLDGUY, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR COLD, MAYBE SHOULD PUT ON SOME PANTS LOL!!!

2:43 PM AWESOMEGOSSIP.NET Says:
Check out the real gossip ................. AWESOMEGOSSIP.NET .................

2:43 PM Viagra Deal Says:
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DemocraticTogether.org

coldguy
I'm freezing my balls off!!!!

liberalDesMoines
Obama has only been in the Senate for two years, so he hasn't voted on too many climate issues, aside from backing corn ethanol subsidies (groan!), but he's definitely better than the current administration. Of course, my three-year old son would be better than the current administration.

Gore2008
Nobody has a better record or understanding of climate issues, and subsequent ball-freezing temperature shifts, than Al Gore. Run Al Run!!!

liberalDesMoines
I just saw that Obama has a policy paper on ball-freezing-off at his website. Check it out.

Heroes Chat Room @ NBC.com

coldguy: I'm freezing my balls off!!!!

hirofan: Agreed! I'd like to see somebody with power over the climate too! Although they'd have to find a way to make them unique from Iceman and Storm in the Marvel universe.

cheerleader12: hate to sound like im beating a dead horse, but its not the powers so much as the characters. but yeah a person with weather powers would be rad.

jackbauer: You guys are all gay. Jack Bauer rules!

babe: jack bauer, your dad is a gay pigf*cker. go back to your own message boards.

jackbauer: You're going to have to trust me on this one. I don't have time to explain. But you guys are all gay!

*This thread has been closed by the moderator*

gauntlet of fire

Hey kids! See if you can identify which passages below are from the much anticipated new book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and which are from the highly classified National Intelligence Estimate produced by the U.S. government's intelligence agencies!!! Find the answers at the fan club website!

• There was a great darkness, and no one could see even a hint of light amidst the gloomy chaos.

• It was all his fault, from the very beginning. He wished he could travel back in time and change what happened. But he could not.

• Collapse of this magnitude would generate fierce violence for at least several years, ranging well beyond the time frame of this Estimate, before settling into a partially stable end-state.

• When one ventures outside this realm, they find themselves vulnerable to attack. It is most dangerous, even for the brave.

• The whole process of producing NIEs normally takes at least several months.

• Even the school had been infiltrated by the enemy by that point.

• The atmosphere was summed up by a bearded old man sitting outside the stone walls. "That's no ordinary prison," he said. "They torture people in there!"

• It soon became clear that this was no simple game ... thousands of lives were at stake.

• Harry Potter entered the chamber. Would Voldemort be inside?

• Should these events take place, they could spark an abrupt increase in communal and insurgent violence and shift Iraq’s trajectory from gradual decline to rapid deterioration with grave humanitarian, political, and security consequences.

• By the time they arrived at the museum, it had been looted. The guards had disappeared and the powerful relics inside were nowhere to be found.

• The emergence of a checkered pattern of local control would present the greatest potential for instability, mixing extreme ethno-sectarian violence with debilitating intra-group clashes.

• "Good shot, Hermione," Harry said. "That one was really close." She shivered in the darkness but did not reply.