winter dreams

Use this handy chart to determine whether you have Winter Olympic fever (the first option) or a case of anthrax (the second).

• You haven’t felt this way since 2002; you haven’t felt this way since 2001.
• You hope for mountains full of white powder; you open envelopes full of white powder.
• You anxiously await the results of drug tests; you anxiously await the results of Anthrax tests.
• Your favorite athletes are semi-pro; your favorite drug is Cipro.
• You often yell “Go for the gold!”; you often handle camels or goats.
• You are sad because Michelle Kwan’s Olympic gold medal dreams have died; you are sad because the person who opens your mail has died.