letter at 1600

Associated Press, May 9, 2006:
RICE: IRAN LETTER DOESN'T RESOLVE STANDOFF
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice dismissed a letter that Iran's president sent to President Bush on Monday, saying the first direct communication from an Iranian leader in 27 years does not help resolve the standoff over Tehran's disputed nuclear program.

This is not the first time the United States has received a letter from another country's leader.

Dear "President" Washington, I wish to "make apologies" for the "War" of "Independence" that recently got out of hand. I hope we can put this whole mess behind us and become friendly nations again. You were right about the tea tax, it was way too high. Sincerely, King George

Dear Co-President Lincoln, Sometimes I don't even remember what we're fighting about. Do you think we should get together and talk about reuniting our countries? Maybe we could trade the presidencies every 6 months? And have 6 months of slavery, then 6 months of no slavery? I'm just brainstorming here. Anyway, get in touch. Your pal? Jeff Davis.

Dear President Hoover, Your handling of the current economic Depression sucks. You suck. Someone should name a vacuum after you. Oh, wait, there's already a Hoover vacuum. I wonder which sucks more, you or the vacuum? I would bet on you since the vacuum's poor financial management did not cause me to lose my life savings. Tomorrow I'll be sober, but you'll still suck. If you are ever in Britain, please get bent. Winston Churchill.

Dear JFK, I will consider removing my missles from Cuba if you can arrange for me to sleep with your American actress Marilyn Monroe. Please consider this offer. Nikita Krushchev.

Yo Kennedy! I will forget about your attempt to oust me at the Bay of Pigs if you can arrange for me to sleep with Marilyn Monroe. Just once. Although, between you and me, I think once she's tried Fidel, she'll never go back. Yours, Fidel Castro.

Deal Plesident Nixon, Me rikee vely much if you come visit me countree. I no get arong with Lussia again. Is velly funny that I lite with accent too, no? Haldree makee sense at all. Cartoonish, velly much. Sayonara, Mao Zedong.

Dear Mr. Carter, I do not think I will be releasing your hostages any time soon. If I do, however, I had an idea for a New York Post headline -- you could have a picture of you hugging the freed hostages outside the White House and the headline would be "'Welcome Back' - Carter" Get it? It sounds like your TV show "Welcome Back, Kotter," no? The one with the Sweathogs? I come up with a lot of good funny headlines. Do you know who hires people for that job at the Post? I think I would be good at it. Seriously. But like I said, I will not be releasing your hostages. Signed, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

Dear President Reagan, You recently asked me to consider tearing down the Berlin Wall. I am thinking about it, and wondering if there is any chance you can arrange for me to sleep with the "Solid Gold" host Marilyn McCoo? Sincerely, Mikhail Gorbachev