watchers

After remarking that Charles Dickens would have loved the Fox series "Prison Break," an editor here decided to find out what some other famous authors of yore might think of today's top television shows. Using a time machine, he brought the writers to the present day to view some current television (he originally planned to take a television back into history, but was worried about finding a place to plug it in).

Prison Break - reviewed by Charles Dickens
What's that sound? Alarum! There are tiny devils in that box! Move away! That electric horse is headed right for us!

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip - reviewed by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Along the golden shores of the Pacific Ocean, the gods of industry perform their revels. Matt and Danny struggle against the tides of mediocrity and despair as they row towards the sun, always rising. But Amanda Peet! Now there is a woman! Brghhackghh. (At this point, Mr. Fitzgerald passed out in a pool of his own vomit.)

Kidnapped - reviewed by Robert Louis Stevenson
You've projected words onto the screen! What a strange book. Actors, you say? In that tiny box? I shan't believe it. Oh, look, a Negro gentleman. He is portraying a constable? Oh no! Get out of the way, good man, that electric carriage is headed right for us! We shall be trampled underfoot!

America's Next Top Model - reviewed by Ernest Hemingway
Those women are small. Some of them could be broken easily.

Vanished - reviewed by Edgar Allan Poe
Dreadful! fright to be trapped-- In a tiny box like those men! Dare we let them out? Do you hold The Key? Do I? Now what is this? A commercial, you say? I don't understand. Look out! That giant tampon is headed straight for us! We shall be ruined! Duck, soul, and be unbattered! That blue liquid shall drown us all! Womenly ways be damned! The mammoth tampon approaches!!!