Friday, January 19, 2007

all apologies

Dallas County officials, after overturning 12 convictions on the basis of DNA evidence, have developed a new line of cards in conjunction with Hallmark. The initial offerings are described below.

[picture of a cute puppy]
Message: "We're doggone sorry about ruining your life!"

[image of Ziggy behind bars]
Message (Ziggy speaking): "You can take the inmate out of prison, but you can't take prison out of the inmate...sorry 'bout that!"

[photograph of a baker]
Cover Message: "You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.
Inside Message: "Our apologies to all the eggs we broke. -Dallas County Criminal Justice System"

[image of flowers]
Message: "Roses are red / Freedom's for you / Sorry about prison / We hope you won't sue."

[cartoon of old woman]
Cover Message: "Hey old timer, don't get too comfortable out there."
Inside Message: "We still have your DNA on file."

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

weed 'em and reap

It was a confusing day to read the newspaper for people who confuse the letter "r" and the letter "w."
  • Wisk Seen In Somolia Ethnic Cleansing
  • House Set To Vote On Minimum Rage
  • AP Wanks Boise State Ahead Of Competition
  • NYC Blames Monday's Stink On Jewsey Gases
  • Bush's Big Reek: Announces Raw Plan Tonight
  • Deceased Man Rim Job Mistake By Polish Bank Boss