BP Coffee Spill
Here's what I've been up to lately. Again, please check out http://writeitlikedisaster.com for newer content and updates.
Erik Tanouye wrote this from 2006-2007, but is no longer updating it.
His current website is: www.writeitlikedisaster.com
To make reading old blog entries easier, only some of the 436 entries posted to this blog are currently published.
I think the posts are about Anna Nicole Smith, Alberto Gonzales, and Donald Trump.I turned on the set and watched for the news of the child's father.* * *
Whos the father, I wondered.
The Judge appeared with his grim countenance. Since the days of the desert, its been known and counted who was the father and who was the child. We've come so far to find out the truth, the end of this business, he said. He drew up his large hammer.
Can you tell me what it is, I asked the set and The Judge.
The light of the set broke upon the plains and the bones and rocks littered amongst the cactus trees and the dry stream bed.
There was punishment in the waiting.
Then the sun set and the word came.
Birkhead, The Judge said. Birkhead entered the cave and made the girl in the time before time when all was unknown and the mother of the land was still alive.See the child. He comes from San Antonio in the dust and oil plains. His parents the Mexicans. He joins the air force, later moves from Fort Yukon to Houston.* * *
They all want you to go, dont you see?
I cannot see what I will not see, he says. I know I am right.
Do you think you can stand in the winds of the storm and not be blown over?
I do not know any more than I can tell you.
You do not know much then.
Da igual, no importa.
You are goin to stay, then?
I will stay, yes.
Why dont you go?
I said I will stay.His large hair came down over his head, some dust storm across the brow.
The fat woman, he said, I dont like her.
He took a childs hand in his and walked down the aisle. He had walked that aisle before.
He raised his hand and fired. Everywhere this man has been there are bodies left behind.
Does he have any money.
Some more now than he did before. Not as much as he claims.
Donald pasa de castaño a oscuro.
Si. His gold aint for real.
Q: If you own a car that can drive at 350 mph, how long will it take you to cross the fence?Good fences make good neighbors?
A: About 30 minutes if you tunnel under it; approx. 2 minutes if you climb over it. Neither of these would involve your car. (It would take you two hours to drive the length of the fence.)
--------
Q: If the security wall weighs one ton for every ten square feet, how much heavier will the Earth be when it is completed?
A: 369,600 tons, but only if the wall is constructed of lunar concrete and meteorite rebar, as called for in the original design.
PRIMARY VILLAIN:
in A Clash of Kings: Cersei Lannister, a beautiful but cruel temptress, once married to King Robert Stark, she secretly bedded her brother Jaime ("Kingslayer") Lannister, thereby insuring that the heirs to the throne were not Robb’s seed but the result of incestuous meddling.
in The End of the Affair: God
---Advantage: The End of the Affair
CHARACTER MARKED BY DEFORMITY, INTELLIGENCE
in A Clash of Kings: Tyrion Lannister, a misshapen dwarf who uses cunning to become the Hand of the King and helps his nephew govern the city of King’s Landing before he being betrayed in the field of battle by his sister’s henchman
in The End of the Affair: Richard Smythe, whose face marked by a large strawberry colored stain, is a man of science and logic who preaches pure rationalism to Sarah (at the end of the book, God removes the birthmark miraculously)
---Advantage: A Clash of Kings
BACKDROP OF VIOLENCE
in A Clash of Kings: In the aftermath of Robert Baratheon’s death during a hunting accident, the kingdom is divided into chaos when four men take up the crown: good-hearted young Robb Stark, iron-willed Stannis Baratheon, beloved weakling Renly Baratheon, and evil-minded Joffrey Stark. Meanwhile, wildlings from the North Country prepare to descend upon the south with their anarchic craven ways, while Daenerys Targaryen, living in exile, nurses three young dragons at her breast (honestly) as she plots to retake the kingdom by reign of fire
in The End of the Affair: World War II
---Advantage: A Clash of Kings
EPISODES OF ADULTERY
in A Clash of Kings: Cersei Lannister cuckolds her husband the king by bedding her own brother, Jaime Lannister; later, when he is held prisoner, she beds a cousin who resembles him Jaime
in The End of the Affair: Sarah cheats on her husband with Maurice Bendrix, among many, many others
---Advantage: A Clash of Kings
PLOT ELEMENTS PERTAINING TO SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION:
in A Clash of Kings: Varies, the eunuch, provides counsel informed by his network of spies; he lost his manhood to traveling sorcerers in childhood and is impervious to the sensual temptation that ruins other men of his rank
in The End of the Affair: Henry has never brought his wife to orgasm via lovemaking
---Advantage: A Clash of Kings
SHADOWY ASSASSIN CRAWLING FORTH FROM THE WOMB OF A RED SORCERESS
in A Clash of Kings: Kills treacherously at Storm’s Landing
in The End of the Affair: None
---Advantage: A Clash of Kings
DEATH DUE TO THE COLD
in A Clash of Kings: Ice-frosted Others savage the vast armies of the Night’s Watch sworn to keep out the Wildlings of the North
in The End of the Affair: Sarah catches a pneumonia walking without her jacket
---Advantage: A Clash of Kings
IMPORTANT SCENE INVOLVING A CHARACTER ON THEIR BACK ON A HARD FLOOR
in A Clash of Kings: Eight-year-old Bran Stark is pushed out a window by Jaime Lannister upon witnessing the incestuous relationship between Jaime and Cersei. After landing on the stone surface below, Bran loses the use of his legs and cannot remember what he saw
in The End of the Affair: Sarah experiences her first orgasm when Bendrix fucks her on the floor of Henry’s flat while her husband is bedridden one flight above them
---Advantage: The End of the Affair
RELIGIOUS CONVERSION
in A Clash of Kings: Stannis Baratheon, unable to gather as many soldiers to his banner as his popular younger brother Renly, rejects the old gods in favor of the Lord of Light and a Rasputin-esque Red Sorceress who harnesses his power to kill Stannis’ enemies
in The End of the Affair: Sarah becomes Catholic, dies soon after
---Advantage: Tie
Gossamer feelings
Nasal voice like droning bees
Forward Joementum
I saw the melted road to the future and the approaching tongue of the redwhiteblue leader,
who kissed my cheek before the crowd, who dripped approval on me in the marble Capitol,
who studied coke and booze in universities and flew American skies til war's end,
who read books to babies under burning towers asking men to bring it on,
who choked on war and preztels, joked on newspaper menwomen, smoked out of spider holes hairy-faced men in sand countries...
this is just to say
i have voted
for ned lamont
who was in
the primary
and who
you were probably
hoping
to defeat
Forgive me
he was so democratic
anti-war
and not you
PARTISAN PLAYHOUSE!
Some of our young readers get help from their parents or teachers!
Q: Why did Joe Lieberman cross the road?
A: To get to the RNC headquarters.(James O., 6 years old, DNC Daycare Facility, Washington, D.C.)
Q: Knock knock.
A: Who's there?
Q: The devil.
A: The devil who?
Q: Hillary Clinton.(Matt W., 6 years old, Republican Preschool Program, Washington, D.C.)
Q: How many Ralph Naders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None! Ralph Nader rarely has to change his lightbulbs because he uses energy efficient compact fluorescents.(Walden J., 12 years old, Green Party Young Minds Thinkcenter, Vermont)
The New York Times, July 23, 2006:
GROUP OBJECTS TO BUSH'S 'SIGNING STATEMENTS'
The American Bar Association said Sunday that President Bush was flouting the Constitution and undermining the rule of law by claiming the power to disregard selected provisions of bills that he signed.
Historians have recently uncovered these other previously unknown signing statements from history.
John Kennedy, Executive Order 10924 (establishing Peace Corps), 1961:
*For clarity’s sake, when this act refers to "the globe," it is speaking of the planet Earth and not my enormous head.
Franklin Roosevelt, United States Executive Order 9066 (authorizing internment of Japanese-Americans), 1942:
*This does not apply to Nips in wheelchairs – they have it tough enough as it is.
William Howard Taft, Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, 1909:
*These higher tariff rates shall not apply to food products dedicated to consumption by the President of the United States, signatory to this act. Additionally, a copy of this law shall be transcribed onto the side of a lamb shank, which the President will then eat with delicious barbecue sauce.
Abraham Lincoln, Emancipation Proclamation, 1862:
*I reserve the right to force into slavery any douchebag that calls my wife ugly or shoots me.
Franklin Pierce, Kansas-Nebraska Act, 1854:
*If anyone has a better idea for how to handle this, please let me know. (You can reach me by post at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, D.C. I would provide my zip code, but it has not yet been invented.)
John Adams, Alien and Sedition Acts, 1798:
*Unto the Condtions set out above– Is added this Decree – Henceforth shall the Vice President be regarded as an Ass –Who may lick my scrotal Regions – If the Man can find a Moment in which he is not engaged with one of his Slaves.
A transcript follows.
Let's get today's chat started.
Our guest is acclaimed author Thomas L. Friedman, author of "The World Is Flat" and "The Lexus and the Olive Tree." He first came to my attention as the author of 1989's "From Beirut to Jerusalem," a National Book Award winner. As an expert on globalization and the Middle East, he should offer some interesting insights into today's increasingly volatile international situation.
Thomas L. Friedman: Hey everyone, good to be here.
Raleigh, NC: Fried -
I hope that you've gotten a lot of messages like this, but I think the Friedman Rock crew should collectively pour a sip on the ground for Syd Barrett. Thanks.
Thomas L. Friedman: I'm not sure what you're talking about, but thanks for joining us.
Washington, D.C.: How sad and ironic that Syd Barret died on the same day Pink Floyd released the long-awaited Pulse DVD. Even though he was never an integral part of the band's success. His much-publicized influence on the band has never been properly credited. Without Syd, my favorite Floyd album, "Wish You Were Here," never happens.
I'm sure Gilmour and the boys will send all of the profits from this latest release to his estate. They have been compensating his estate since he left.
Thomas L. Friedman: I think you may have logged into the wrong chat.
Takoma Park, Md.: So, what do you like for R and B this summer.
I caught Van Hunt opening for the Heavies this weekend and WHOA!
I picked up Omar's new release, "Sing...if you want it" from the UK. Great stuff.
Tough for a guy raised in the 80's on quality funk and R&B to find music today. Everybody is following, not enough people stretching out.
Thomas L. Friedman: You mentioned the UK. It will be interesting to see how their policy shifts in a post-Blair government.
national cathedral: What's up with Fugazi? Are they still together, they have not done the Fort Reno thing is ages. I am from here but lived over seas most of my life and missed most of their very active years. Any news?
thanks I love these chats
Thomas L. Friedman: An overseas guest! Welcome to the chat. It's clear that even in the world of online discussions, globalism is making its presence known. The Internet makes this sort of cross-ocean conversation possible. I am not sure who Fugazi is.
Let's shift the discussion over to Middle East topics.
Atlanta, Ga.: This down year in music will certainly pick up on August 22nd. That's the day that Outkast's "Idlewild" will drop.
Thomas L. Friedman: Seriously, does anyone have any questions about the Middle East?
Whither the Long Golden Mohawk?: Have there been any Sly Stone sightings since the Grammys?
Thomas L. Friedman: I am not sure. I will point out that the Grammys have added more world music categories recently, and even given over a separate awards show to the Latin Grammys.
I'd love to talk about the current geopolitical climate.
Truth or Consequences, NM: Nothing to say about the Thom Yorke album?
Thomas L. Friedman: No.
Bethesda, Md.: rest in peace syd Barrett,
I had heard rumors that Syd was not in the best of health, wonder if this will spur the rest of the band to do a concert....?
Thomas L. Friedman: The tech guru running this chat tells me that the band in question is Pink Floyd, who played at the Live 8 concerts arranged to coincide with the G8 summit last year.
There's an interesting discussion to be had regarding debt relief and globalism if anyone wants to talk about it.
Glen Ellyn, Ill.: Mr. Friedman,
Have you joined Jay-Z's Cristal boycott yet? I'm thinking of going back to Rolling Rock myself.
Thomas L. Friedman: I read about this boycott in The Economist. Unfortunately I'm no expert on hip hop music. No takers on the globalism/debt-relief discussion?
By the way, I promise to properly attribute any listeners' amazement and delight in my car to you, but I can't promise any royalties.
Thomas L. Friedman: The books on tape version of "The World Is Flat" is great listening for the commute.Got the new Cash CD and it is really good. One of the best is a Springsteen tune which I don't think ever appeared on a Bruce CD.
Rather depressing for the younger folk but for an old guy like me (49), it really hit the spot......
Thomas L. Friedman: Well, I do know who Johnny Cash and Bruce Springsteen are. Unfortunately, I have not heard the most recent Cash CD. In fact, I thought he passed away some time ago. Does he really have a new CD?
At 49, you are not old!
There's some serious stuff happening in the Middle East. Let's talk about it.
Speaking of "The Boss".....: Rage Against The Machine's "The Ghost of Tom Joad" and video of the song totally rock. -sigh- Too bad they're not still around.
Thomas L. Friedman: Nobody expected Ariel Sharon's Kadima party to survive after his stroke, but Olmert has done a good job of keeping it together. Of course, some suggest his lack of hardline military experience means he must make concessions to strong defense elements of the government in order to maintain power. The flare up in Gaza (and now Lebanon) might derail his plans for a unilateral West Bank pull out.
Washington, D.C.: Lily Allen's latest album is available on her myspace page. I am listening to it now. Not bad.
End of transcript.
The Washington Post, July 12, 2006:
ARMY TO END EXPANSIVE, EXCLUSIVE HALLIBURTON DEAL
The Army is discontinuing a controversial multibillion-dollar deal with oil services giant Halliburton Co. to provide logistical support to U.S. troops worldwide, a decision that could cut deeply into the firm's dominance of government contracting in Iraq.
Most Successful Burtons:
The Declaration of Independence as compiled via Mad Libs by five students of different ages:
The New York Times, May 31, 2006:
INVESTIGATOR AND ANTI-DOPING GROUP CLASH ON ARMSTRONG TESTS
Lance Armstrong won a small victory today in clearing his name of doping allegations connected with the 1999 Tour de France, the first of his record seven wins in the race. A Dutch lawyer hired by the International Cycling Union issued a report that said drug tests conducted on urine samples from the 1999 Tour de France were mishandled and, in turn, the test results could not be linked with Armstrong or any other athlete.
ICU GUIDELINES FOR PROPER HANDLING OF URINE SAMPLES:
The Economist, May 20, 2006:
EVOLUTION: Humans could have interbred with chimpanzees
... a study published this week by scientists in America ... concludes that humans and chimpanzees interbred after the two species first separated, before eventually going their different ways some 5.4m years ago. Humans are thus much more recently related to their closest relatives than was previously thought.
Excuses for Breaking Up With Members of Another Species: